Anonymous asked: Batkids reverse order. Damian the oldest, Dick the youngest. Your thoughts?

So, Damian Wayne, the Son of the Bat, would have been the first Robin. I imagine that he came into Bruce’s life in his early years of Batmanning—-like, Damian was conceived when Bruce was still globetrotting and training to be the Bat. Ten years later, Talia drops their murderous little bundle of joy on him, and it kind of puts the kibosh on his Dark Avengering. Bruce starts training Damian to expose him to alternatives to killing, and to make him feel like he was a trusted partner. It was definitely rocky at first, but they eventually got to the point of working together well. Damian was still headstrong, but he worked with Bruce almost seamlessly. Damian KNEW that someday, he would be the Batman.

But he started outgrowing Robin before he was ready to be Batman. Damian and Bruce’s quarreling escalated when he was seventeen, until Damian finally up and quit. He started up a relationship with fellow Titan, the regal alien warrior princess Starfire, because fuck yes, Damian likes powerful warrior women (and also pissing Bruce off).

So Bruce, being an equally terrible person, makes Stephanie Brown his second Robin. She is the daughter of the the late Arthur Brown, Cluemaster, and his prescription medication addicted wife, Crystal. Bruce took her in as his ward, because he saw Stephanie’s heart break as she watched her father kill her mother, and then get taken out by SWAT snipers. Part of Bruce’s intentions were genuinely good—-he really did see a lot of potential in Stephanie, and wanted to help her do well and achieve. She reminded him of his mother, and she brought LIFE into the manor. But yeah, part of it was a subtle punishment to Damian for choosing to abandon his title and legacy.

Steph didn’t realize that until Damian—-now Nightwing—-came home and had an absolute shitfit about a GIRL being in HIS uniform (FATHER THIS IS JUST UNFAIR HOW COULD YOU). And Steph, being Steph, was like well exCUSE ME, sorry that I’m workin’ these tights harder than you ever did.

At that moment, a beautiful hatemance is born between twelve year old Steph and eighteen year old Damian. From then on out, she trolls him incessantly, and busts her ass to prove that she is as good as any genetically superior stupid jerkface. Steph claims that Damian doesn’t know how to have fun, so she forces him to make her do kid stuff with her. And Damian is just like NO I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THE MOONBOUNCE AGAIN, GODDAMN YOU, while Steph makes C8 faces at him and drags him to buy her an elephant ear. By the time Steph is fifteen, they’re bff and the biggest pair of trolls. The two of them often patrol with the newest adopted Wayne child, another former-assassin-baby—-Cassandra Cain, Batgirl.

Steph is killed by Black Mask when she’s sixteen. Bruce changes afterward, because he knows he is totally at blame for not supporting Steph. He hadn’t told her that Matches Malone was his fake identity, so she’d started a gang war that had gotten her killed. Batman got more and more unbalanced and violent, to the point that humble stalker and genius teenager, Tim Drake, realized that something was wrong. Batman needed a Robin, and his girl Robin had died. So Tim tracked down Damian and tried to convince him to go back to being Robin. When Damian basically went haha no fuck you, Tim took up the mantle and became the third Robin.

Tim and Bruce got along really well, and Damian grew into his solo career as Nightwing. He was the leader of the Titans, an undisputed tactical genius. Tim becomes good friends with a solo kid vigilante, Jaybird. His real name is Jason Todd, and his adopted mother is Nocturna. He had a ROUGH childhood, and he’d needed to believe in the goodness of heroes. So when he didn’t know how else to keep Nocturna from winning, he foils her plans in an effort to save her from retribution. When she gets sent to jail, Bruce adopts Jason. Tim’s father eventually finds out about the Robin gig and pressures him to quit. Without Tim’s knowledge, Bruce trains Jason to be the fourth Robin. It breaks their friendship in a way that takes years to mend.

Jason’s Robin run was extremely short. He was too wild and passionately angry, and so Bruce benched him. The Joker found him, and in one night he went on a spree that had a horrific bodycount. It started with paralyzing the Commissioner’s teenage daughter, and ended with the fourth Robin in a bodybag in Leslie’s clinic.

Shortly after Jason’s death, a new Black Mask showed up in Gotham. A small, scarred blond girl dressed up like this! BECAUSE YEAH STEPH IS GOING TO COSPLAY THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS IF SHE USES ANOTHER IDENTITY TO COME BACK FROM THE DEAD. So anyway, Steph comes back from the dead, and she took up the identity of Black Mask. Unlike Red Hood!Jason, Black Mask!Steph sticks to the no-kill rule. She just works on her own, and is very brutal and critical of Bruce because GUESS WHO DIDN’T GET A MEMORIAL CASE. Damian gets very upset over Steph being back and then Bruce dies and he gets even more upset because GREAT NOW HE’S GOT TO BE BATMAN.

Right before Bruce’s death, Alfred convinced the family to take a night off and go see the circus together. The Flying Graysons were in town, and all of the Bats were witnesses to their final act. Batman and Kids basically adopted Dick on the spot, and EVERYONE loves him. He is their precious monkey circus boy, a ten year old beam of sunshine.

Damian has NO IDEA what to do with him, because Dick is NOT REASONABLE, and he’s always doing flips and shit instead of sitting down and listening and ARGH HIS FATHER NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH A ROBIN DOING HANDSTANDS INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO MISSION PARAMETERS. But Dick and Damian help each other heal, learning to cope with losing their parents far before either of them were ready for it.

It turns out that Jason had been alive the whole time. Tim was furious, feeling betrayed, but Damian was glad to have his awkward, angry little brother back. He passed him the Nightwing mantle, then took up the cowl that Bruce had left empty. Damian is Batman, Tim is Red Robin, Jason is Nightwing, Steph adopts the name Starling (and Starling!Steph works with the Birds of Prey, who are headed by a fifteen-year-old supergenius, Oracle), Cass is Black Bat, and Dick is Robin. Steph and Damian basically raise Dick, who crawls all over the manor and is the most adorable acrobatic troll. Tim, Cass, and Jason work together as Nightwing, Black Bat, and Red Robin: Buddy Cops. They share an apartment and Jason purposefully leaves his dirty socks everywhere because Tim turns funny colors when he’s mad.

I would read the shit out of this universe.

(This turned into such a disjointed rant. Oops.)